pwned n00bs

Strangely enough, right after my interview, my inbox was flooded with messages from people I've beaten at miscellaneous games.


I totally didn't create this and these are all–under penalty of portfolio perjury, completely and absolutely true.

i am, admittedly, still traumatized by the time brooke played halo infection for 18 hours straight and yelled at me when I tried to take the controller.

- blake strozdas, brother

here, let me paint the picture: it's february 2015, i'm playing CoD with some friends. brooke comes in, starts talking smack about 'oh I used to be so good at this in high school' yada yada, right? so we're like, okay bet and switch it to free-for-all... this girl no-scoped us one by one. so no, if you're curious, don't try this.

- kevin reid, college bff

I don't know what god brooke prays to to make her win every game of mario party, but I would like it to be toad.

-max, kid brooke babysat

if anyone were to keep my nintendogs alive, it'd be brooke. 

-elena, old roommate

when I was 12, I would go over to brooke's house to play singstar on playstation and she hit every note.

- becca kamer, childhood friend

the other day brooke was playing rocket league and I was trying to give her tips, and in response to me mansplaining she just started demolishing every car she could. it was terrifying.

- josh, boyfriend

one time brooke finished super mario sunshine on my gamecube in a single day. at my own birthday party. idk, i didn't hate it.

-shelby, childhood neighbor

-cooking mama